Post by Bobbi on Sept 17, 2018 21:32:58 GMT -5
Jeryndi contacts Sadhric. Sadhric obliges, and they have a chat.
Jeryndi:
The next day, following Sadhric's visit with Kel'dan and Ja'eeth about Tou Nix, Jeryndi sent a message... The only way he really knew how. Anonymous and over the Holonet. He knew the Mechanic would see it eventually, if not immediately... Who knew? Certainly not him. The message was simple-- Would like to speak to you. Not urgent, but important. - JT
Sadhric
It wasn't terribly long after that Jeryndi would have a visitor. Sadhric, looking set in a kind of resignation--but there in person no less, dressed less like the Mand'alor, less like the High Magistrate, and more like he could hop a ship at any moment, in boots, grey slacks, and a comfortable brown tunic with the sleeves rolled up.
He also wore a blaster in a low-slung holster.
Jeryndi:
Jeryndi opened the door, expecting... someone else... He hadn't been expecting that fast of a response. He had a look of surprise that wasn't faked. "You're here?" he asked. It was redundant, of course... And then he cleared his throat and stepped back into the apartment and gestured for Sadhric to come in. "Make yourself at home," he said. He'd been expecting Sadhric in his typically pristine fashion, but seeing him dressed so... plainly was leaving him a bit taken aback... The apartment that Kel'dan had arranged was small, simple, but of good quality. It was in a good residential area, with the bare necessities of furniture and equipment.
Jeryndi, himself, was not armed and wore only a shirt and slacks-- no shoes.
Sadhric
The Mechanic walked in wordlessly and peered around in a single turn that left him looking to Jeryndi expectantly.
Jeryndi:
Jeryndi held his hands out after shutting the door. "I didn't expect you to come in person," he admitted... But then he moved to sit down. "I promised you not to interfere with anything happening here... But Kel'dan has asked me to… train him... He says he needs help. While I am willing to help, I want to know where you stand on this."
Sadhric
Sadhric was still for a moment before shifting position, easing his head up to eye Jeryndi down his nose for a moment before settling in, arms folding across his chest. He watched him then a bit obliquely. "What kind of help would you offer?"
Jeryndi:
He shrugged. "Bare essentials. Shielding, grounding, meditation... I'm not a Jedi and I'm damn sure not a Master.... If he wants anything more than that, he'll have to seek someone else."
Sadhric
"What if what he wants turns to power?"
Jeryndi:
He was silent for a long moment. "I don't think he will... But if that's the case... I think you know."
Sadhric
"Tell me." He nodded. Slowly, his arms slid from across his chest, and he sought a seat. Practicing. Practicing being more like other people.
Jeryndi:
He sat forward, lacing fingers together, elbows on his knees. "I guess it depends on how it came to be... If he sought someone out to train him for more power... Or if he simply started abusing what he has... Either way, it's not a particularly pleasant outcome... And it may lead to death... Mandalorians are proud. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that... And I don't think he'll know he goes down that path if he does."
Sadhric
"There have been times when I'd have slaughtered that family for the success of their little project." If he could have. Wiping out sensitives... Extraordinary flashes in history, including recent history, notwithstanding, it was no simple thing to contemplate.
Jeryndi:
He nodded. "I'm sure I didn't help anything by making the deal with him that I did... But when I did, it was with what I had considered love... I loved him like the father I never had." He shook his head. "I can't say the same for the rest of the family... And definitely not for the clones that came after."
Sadhric
"Your kind are dangerous. I don't blame Cato for killing Maltez, but the fear that remained in the man after his bizarre resurrection and resurgence no doubt fueled some of the extreme measures we saw in the war. It is difficult to imagine fighting any of you without extreme measures. The Mandalorians are legendarily famous for being successful at it--to have a Mandal who is also one of you? Just bloody wonderful, Trander." With a sigh, he shook his head and stared at the room.
Jeryndi:
He cleared his throat a little. "Two, actually... Though, one is currently imprisoned on Hapes." But he didn't linger on that... "I get where you're coming from... And looking back, I'm sure that's exactly why Ker'dan did it... For all I know, he could've been mad all along and was using me for that specific purpose. I'd like to think it wasn't, but I'm not so naive as to think its not a possibility."
Sadhric
Sadhric was used to ignoring when others misunderstood what he was saying or when they spoke in non sequitur. He did so here, flexing the fingers of one hand against the armrest of his chair.
Sitting there, he recalled Ker'dan Akir, the first time he'd ever encountered the man. The face. The eyes. He hadn't been mad then. Evidently, by that time he'd already have been an elder to Sadhric's grandmother, but right then, Sadhric knew he'd been sane. He had, once or twice, referred to Ker'dan as mad during the Little War, too, but he did not really believe it. Instead, he thought it likely that Ker'dan had been on a similar point in the balance of it all to the one he'd discovered himself perched on a few times. If it was to happen inevitably, why not take advantage?
He sighed. Flicked a dark-eyed look at Jeryndi. "Tell me exactly what Kel'dan said to you. Exactly what he asked."
Jeryndi:
He sighed and met Sadhric's gaze. His eyes were serious, but not burdened like they'd been before. "He said, I need help controlling the Force. I feel lost." He made a face. "He also said, I think you're the only one who'd been willing to teach me." He rubbed the back of his hands. "I'm not teaching him anything advanced, if you say yes... The last thing we want isa Mandalorian who can throw thousands of pounds with a flick of the wrist... And who knows what his actual talents are... That's never been explored."
Sadhric
Quiet for a moment, a low frustration finally made The Mechanic's gaze shift off to the side. "Did he say what that meant? That lost-ness?"
Jeryndi:
He shook his head. "He didn't say... But he looked lost when he came by last night and asked me to help him... I didn't drop my shields to feel him out."
Sadhric
More quiet. Then: "What would Cato do?"
Jeryndi:
He sighed and leaned back on the couch. "I don't know. I think you'd know that better than me."
Sadhric
Another shift. Intense puzzlement took over Sadhric's face. "Why? I've never understood. How is it that none of his students knew him? Even now?"
Jeryndi:
"Even during my training with him, he was more distant than not... And I've only seen him a handful of times since I started training with other Masters. I'll always be grateful to him-- he introduced me to the Force and got me out of that shithole that I called a home, but I can't say I ever really knew him."
Sadhric
Sadhric leaned forward, gripping the armrests. "I'm asking how that could be." He finally rested his forearms on his thighs, watching Jeryndi with embers behind his eyes.
Jeryndi:
"In my experience, the how lies with the man in question... He never let me get close. I can't speak for others... But it seemed to me the two of you were friends."
Sadhric
"That's a foolish answer for a student. Even a student who learns no more." He was speaking to keep the tightness out of his face.
Jeryndi:
He shrugged again. "I think he cared for me, in his own way... When I was bad off, when I was conflicted with personalities, he told me to give up the Force."
Sadhric
"Did you take that as selfishly as Solomon did?"
Jeryndi:
"Probably," he said with a small laugh.
Sadhric
The Mechanic shook his head. "I don't know what to say to any of you anymore," he whispered.
Jeryndi:
"Have we changed?" he asked. "Or have you?" It wasn't meant to be insulting, but a genuinely curious question. Though it was soft-spoken and gentle.
Sadhric
Sadhric met his eyes with a crooked grin and a cynical, one-note growly laugh. "Me. Definitely. I see you all now."
Jeryndi:
He didn't smile back. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he asked. In that same tone.
Sadhric
The man's brow tensed. "A sad thing."
Jeryndi:
His expression changed a little, looking more thoughtful. "I don't presume to know," he said softly. "I don't see my kind as a threat anymore. They're scattered and hidden... But not the same could be said of the Akirs... I don't foresee things so I don't know... But I know how close I came to going Dark a few times... And I'd like to prevent that with him, if possible."
Sadhric
Perhaps the subject change was for the best. A refocusing. So be it. Solomon, too, was incapable of following a topic into the uncomfortable dark. "Do you think you can?"
Jeryndi:
"I don't know... I'm not really a teacher. I can show him how to control certain things... But ultimately, maintaining control and discipline is up to the student."
Sadhric
"No offense, Trander, but this might be one of those times when you should ask for help."
Jeryndi:
"Do you know of anyone else who'd come here and help a Mandalorian with this?" he asked softly. "You've got a point-- nobody wants to see a Mandal with the Force, Sadhric... But you know he'll never agree to Jedi training. And you need him here right now."
Sadhric
At the first question, Sadhric held Jeryndi's gaze. "How many people have you tried?"
Jeryndi:
"I haven't tried anyone... But I don't have direct contact with anybody. I haven't called Cato.... I figured if he wanted to see me, he'd come find me and he hasn't. I wouldn't ask Sol. I can't ask Kabel. Leiyn is raising 4 kids... Seriously, who to call?" he asked.
Sadhric
"You haven't even tried. You've written off everyone you know, and the others you don't."
Jeryndi:
He sighed softly. "I'll ask around... But I don't foresee anybody stepping up to the plate... And these other people I don't know?" he asked, giving him a pointed look.
Sadhric
The Mechanic bowed his head and scrubbed fingers through his very short hair. "I can't be holding your hands. I've been guiding you fools for years and nothing has changed. If anything, you've all grown worse. Or more stagnant. More cynical. Can't you figure out anything for yourselves?"
Jeryndi:
"I'm not a Jedi," he said softly. "I'm just Jeryndi... And there's a lot of things I haven't been around for. Not an excuse, but its a reason not to know people... Put me in contact with them and I'll ask."
Sadhric
"Solomon has sworn to me he will not become involved here. But call him, and relate the trouble. For whatever reason, he is vulnerable to the fantasy of these hypocrites, so should he volunteer himself, feel free to remind him of that. He knows the others with whom you might collaborate."
Jeryndi:
He nodded slightly. "I'll call him." He gave Sadhric an apologetic look. "I meant to say it sooner, but I got kinda lost in the subject... Thank you."
Sadhric
Sadhric had closed his eyes; now he opened them, shaking his head, and stood up. "Don't thank me. I think a 'lost' Mandal sensitive has to be worse than an unlost one."
Jeryndi:
He stood up, too, and walked over towards a cabinet. He opened it and withdrew the silver handle of his saber... "Thank you for this," he said softly. "For returning it."
Sadhric
"Ah." His fingers closed, as if he were remembering holding the thing. "That. Yes. I thought perhaps, with your children being returned to you, it was best if you were released from the past so you could look ahead."
Jeryndi:
"The note... I appreciate that, too," he said, nodding slightly. "I hope I don't ever have to use it again, either... But if I do, better to be this one... This one is... new me. If that makes any sense."
This one is of... the new me.”
Sadhric
"How could it not," Sadhric muttered, but he was nodding. "Trander. About Cato...."
Jeryndi:
He was putting it back into the cabinet and shutting it... He looked up to meet Sadhric's eyes. "Hm?"
Sadhric
His brows were tight again. "He really never taught you anything that stuck with you?"
"Anything you value even now?"
Jeryndi:
"He taught me a lot of thing. I value many of them... But the biggest thing I learned from him was that the Jedi Order was an order of religion... People often overlook or forget that. But I never did. I still have my faith, even if I don't want to be a Jedi anymore."
Sadhric
"'A lot of things.' Like what?"
Jeryndi:
He sighed. "He taught me all of the lightsaber forms... He taught me that I should never be caught with my guard down... Something I never really got the hang of... He taught me to try and trust in people, even if it doesn't work out. He taught me that... I could choose to be someone better than I had been taught."
Sadhric
Sadhric wound up at the window. Outside, evening had become true night. Unlike Coruscant, night here was dark. Lights shown, but not so many; never so many. "Lightsaber forms. I wish you all had learned more deeply. If you can't take in the more important layers, with all your gifts, what fucking hope is there."
Jeryndi:
His eyes narrowed on Sadhric. "Hey... I learned a lot," he said softly. "But Cato was gone more than he was here while I was his padawan... I learned a lot of valuable things. But the things he should have taught me... He wasn't here for," he said gently. "And I don't blame him for that... There was a war going on. He was needed... And after the Cataclysm, I was dying... So I sought help with Murra and Kabraka."
Sadhric
"Mm." Very quiet now. Little electric blue points of light burned, drifting through the dark, before winking out again, leaving a ghostly green afterimage on Sadhric's eyes. Glowdrifters. First one, then a few, and eventually Sadhric could pick out dozens of them near and far outside. It shifted his focus enough that he could heave a sigh and let some of his disappointment go.
Jeryndi:
He slowly walked over to the window, leaning against the wall beside it and joined Sadhric in gazing out into the night... "I really do wish I -could- say I knew him... I'm sorry."
Sadhric
He felt hot and his face felt tight like it was the last barrier between emotion he didn't know how to safely vent and the world outside. He realized he was following the flight of the glowdrifters with a stare sharp as a weapon and made himself stop.
"There has to be...." He knew he was speaking, but hadn't decided to do it. "Trander, there has to be a way out of this."
Jeryndi:
"A way out of what, exactly?" he asked softly. His expression, his body language, his tone... Conveyed a mixture of emotion. Tension out of anxiety for what he might say. Hope. Sadness that he was seeing Sadhric like this... But nothing indicated he was watching him through the Force. Because he wasn't. He knew Sadhric didn't like that and so was respecting his wishes.
Sadhric
"This cycle," Sadhric whispered. The little insects outside might as well have been seed-fluff rising slowly in a breeze. He glanced at Jeryndi. "I think I'm trapped in it until I figure it out."
Jeryndi:
"This cycle of dealing with Force users?" he asked. "Or do you mean being the one who makes the hard threats?"
Sadhric
He shook his head and stepped away from the window. "Neither. The threats are just part of it."
Jeryndi:
"Explain?" he asked. "I don't know if I can help you, but I can listen... And help if I can," he said gently.
Sadhric
It caught Sadhric up short and he laughed. "Yeah? You'd like a go at it?"
Jeryndi:
He shrugged and moved to sit back down on the couch. "I have no room to judge others... And who knows? Maybe talking about it will help?"
Sadhric
Clearly skeptical about that, Sadhric was nonetheless still, regarding Jeryndi as a bemused look settled in on his face. "All right." What did he have to lose? "Did you know there was a moment in the war when Cato cursed me for not being of help to Gavin Ambrose? He since apologized, but in that moment he was furious at me for not influencing the Republic. Furious at me for leaving them to their own course."
Jeryndi:
"Why would he expect you to take sides?" he asked.
Sadhric
"Not the point. He was angry. The Republic was annihilated. Maybe he thought I could have stopped that if I'd haunted them earlier. Or perhaps I was just on hand, and therefore a convenient target when he needed to lash out and vent." He eyed Jeryndi. He knew perfectly well Jeryndi hadn't known that. No one did. And Jeryndi had been dead.
Jeryndi:
A frown crossed his face as he thought about it... And he was silent for a long moment. "I didn't know about any of that... But is that what it felt like? That he was lashing out at you? Or did it feel like real anger -at- you?"
Sadhric
"Disappointment -in- me, I think."
Jeryndi:
"Do you think it was because of your actions or the lack thereof? Or another reason?"
Sadhric
"What do you mean? I just told you, for a start, that he later recognized it as irrational, and also that it was from a flash of anguish over Ambrose's fate. And the fate of the Republic." He leveled a look at Jeryndi. "You think I'm relating this due to the personal sting."
Jeryndi:
"I didn't really know Ambrose... Was he very close to him?" he asked.
Sadhric
"I doubt it. He respected his aims, however. His methods, too, probably." Another laugh shook him, this one quiet. "I can see this going awry already. I don't seem capable of putting words to this. With Darien, I started with Mandalore. With Solomon, past friends. Neither of them could read deeper--I knew that before they did. There's no good way to begin."
Jeryndi:
"Start where you think this cycle began?" he suggested.
Sadhric
"Ah. That. We've all been decaying and sliding apart for far longer than I've been alive. Far longer than Kel'dan, even, no? That's the cycle. Cultural entropy."
Sadhric gave a sour look. "I suppose that was more of a Solomon answer than the truth. He lives in the fog of the vague."
Jeryndi:
"Cultural entropy," he echoed softly. "That is... An - interesting- way of putting it... But yes. Solomon does have a... Uhh... -lack- of a way with words."
Sadhric
"Do you think it's the words or the thoughts that fail him?" It was asked with a confounding mix in its quiet, which had elements of reproach, protectiveness, and cool distance, all three.
Jeryndi:
"A bit of both," he admitted... "And the unwillingness to be honest with himself."
Sadhric
"Aye."
Jeryndi:
He looked up to meet Sadhric's eyes and nodded slightly. "I don't know how to handle this thing you call entropy... I guess it's been a generational thing. The slow decline into something much more... Sinister... The galaxy, it seems, has gone to shit in our lifetimes.“
Sadhric
"It was gone before that. I remember Moonrider talking to me about his own battle with it. Also long before I ever existed."
Jeryndi:
"Even now, it's vastly different than it was when I was a child," he said softly. "It may have gone to shit before that, but I didn't know about it."
Sadhric
"Mm. Did you know that Moonrider had been a Jedi?"
Jeryndi:
"Yes," he said, nodding slightly.
Sadhric
"Not much mystery what happened to his philosophy. Knowing that fact, have you ever contemplated it?"
Jeryndi:
"No," he said softly. "Hard to think about Moonrider when I was the one to kill him," he said, looking away.
Sadhric
"Not about him. About his fall." Sadhric was unsurprised. Nearly none of the Jedi-trained sentients he'd met seemed to take lessons from history or the fates of those around them. They were very, very narrow of scope. He was close to giving up here, too.
Jeryndi:
"Not really," he admitted. "Tell me?"
Sadhric
"Why don't you tell me," The Mechanic said in a flat tone, voice gone so low and quiet it was barely more than an edge of its normal sound. "You've never considered it. I suppose you were too busy with your lightsaber forms. So here we are. How about you think about it now? Tell me what kind of man you think he could have been before he became the High Protector. Before Ashmael Meloch. Tell me what you imagine happened."
Jeryndi:
"If he was a Jedi... I'd say he was probably a good man at some point," he said softly. He laced his fingers together, leaning forward again. Elbows on knees. "But I know from personal experience that different things break different people. It all depends on our weaknesses, our breaking points... I don't know what his were. But I know when you get to that breaking point... You either give in or you overcome."
Sadhric:
If he was a Jedi... he was probably a good man. Sadhric stood there trying to see Jeryndi both through the years and as if he were distinct specimens at each meeting they'd had. As if he were all the members of his own species, sampled and categorized. What were the traits of the specimen before him now, as distinct from the others? The Mechanic leaned on that analysis because it could be shaped into a bridge that could keep him from plummeting into a chasm he'd sensed for some time now underneath him. "Why don't you speculate."
Jeryndi:
"I don't know enough to speculate," he admitted. "I don't know anything about him other than what I know from the Praetorian war."
Sadhric:
Sadhric's head jerked as he squinted. "It's speculation. Do you need a dictionary?"
Jeryndi:
He shook his head slightly. "I don't know what triggers he might've had... But I can't think of anything besides a pure lust for power that would lead to someone's drastic downfall like that that they didn't have a strong emotional reaction to... A loved one... Being forced to do something that tears you apart... Tears your -morals- apart... It can lead to much worse things. Lust for power. Greed. A darkness that consumes the mind and soul."
"and if he had a pure lust for power from the get go, he probably wouldn't have been a Jedi to begin with."
Sadhric:
"You said 'pure lust for power' twice." The Mechanic had first squinted at the word 'triggers,' but after that it was that phrase that had his attention. "It's as if you see power as its own thing in this case, and not as the means to an end."
Jeryndi:
"Even to acquire it as a means to an end would require motivation, does it not?" he asked softly.
Sadhric:
"A bit redundant," he said, turning his head to eye Jeryndi sidelong, nodding once with the observation.
Jeryndi:
He nodded. "But what I'm saying is... You don't go down that path without having a strong emotional reaction to something, somewhere."
"whether it's to acquire power to protect what you love... Or to avenge... Or to stop people from ever hurting you again... There's always a reason."
Sadhric:
"Yes, I know," Sadhric said in a bland, deadpan tone. "That's why I asked if you'd speculate in the first place."
Jeryndi:
He shook his head. "But I don't know what, his reason was. I can't guess because I don't know anything about him. Not really."
Sadhric:
"No? Hm. I think there's a lot there, even for one who didn't have to listen to his ravings." He sighed. "Trander, I think you mean well."
Jeryndi:
He nodded slightly. "I'm trying," he said, sounding earnest. "I'm trying to live this life with more compassion and understanding... And I can't do that living like I was."
Sadhric:
Sadhric acknowledged that with a tiny nod of his own. He whispered, "I'm going to leave you to it and wish you good night."
Jeryndi:
He stood up. "Hey... If you ever need help... And you think I -might- be able to help.... Seriously. Call me."
Sadhric:
The Mechanic smiled a very small and crooked smile that nearly bared a canine. "I'll consider it," he replied tiredly before turned to go.
Jeryndi:
He held out his hand to Sadhric. "Thank you... For everything... And being considerate enough to let me come here."
Sadhric:
There was a moment in which Sadhric didn't move, just eyed the hand. Then he reanimated reluctantly and shifted his weight so that he could clasp it wordlessly.
Jeryndi:
He took Sadhric's hand and gave him a small smile. "Have a good night... And I hope things get easier.". He sounded genuinely concerned, but didn't offer to help. The offer had been made and Sadhric, hopefully, knew it still stood.
Jeryndi:
The next day, following Sadhric's visit with Kel'dan and Ja'eeth about Tou Nix, Jeryndi sent a message... The only way he really knew how. Anonymous and over the Holonet. He knew the Mechanic would see it eventually, if not immediately... Who knew? Certainly not him. The message was simple-- Would like to speak to you. Not urgent, but important. - JT
Sadhric
It wasn't terribly long after that Jeryndi would have a visitor. Sadhric, looking set in a kind of resignation--but there in person no less, dressed less like the Mand'alor, less like the High Magistrate, and more like he could hop a ship at any moment, in boots, grey slacks, and a comfortable brown tunic with the sleeves rolled up.
He also wore a blaster in a low-slung holster.
Jeryndi:
Jeryndi opened the door, expecting... someone else... He hadn't been expecting that fast of a response. He had a look of surprise that wasn't faked. "You're here?" he asked. It was redundant, of course... And then he cleared his throat and stepped back into the apartment and gestured for Sadhric to come in. "Make yourself at home," he said. He'd been expecting Sadhric in his typically pristine fashion, but seeing him dressed so... plainly was leaving him a bit taken aback... The apartment that Kel'dan had arranged was small, simple, but of good quality. It was in a good residential area, with the bare necessities of furniture and equipment.
Jeryndi, himself, was not armed and wore only a shirt and slacks-- no shoes.
Sadhric
The Mechanic walked in wordlessly and peered around in a single turn that left him looking to Jeryndi expectantly.
Jeryndi:
Jeryndi held his hands out after shutting the door. "I didn't expect you to come in person," he admitted... But then he moved to sit down. "I promised you not to interfere with anything happening here... But Kel'dan has asked me to… train him... He says he needs help. While I am willing to help, I want to know where you stand on this."
Sadhric
Sadhric was still for a moment before shifting position, easing his head up to eye Jeryndi down his nose for a moment before settling in, arms folding across his chest. He watched him then a bit obliquely. "What kind of help would you offer?"
Jeryndi:
He shrugged. "Bare essentials. Shielding, grounding, meditation... I'm not a Jedi and I'm damn sure not a Master.... If he wants anything more than that, he'll have to seek someone else."
Sadhric
"What if what he wants turns to power?"
Jeryndi:
He was silent for a long moment. "I don't think he will... But if that's the case... I think you know."
Sadhric
"Tell me." He nodded. Slowly, his arms slid from across his chest, and he sought a seat. Practicing. Practicing being more like other people.
Jeryndi:
He sat forward, lacing fingers together, elbows on his knees. "I guess it depends on how it came to be... If he sought someone out to train him for more power... Or if he simply started abusing what he has... Either way, it's not a particularly pleasant outcome... And it may lead to death... Mandalorians are proud. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that... And I don't think he'll know he goes down that path if he does."
Sadhric
"There have been times when I'd have slaughtered that family for the success of their little project." If he could have. Wiping out sensitives... Extraordinary flashes in history, including recent history, notwithstanding, it was no simple thing to contemplate.
Jeryndi:
He nodded. "I'm sure I didn't help anything by making the deal with him that I did... But when I did, it was with what I had considered love... I loved him like the father I never had." He shook his head. "I can't say the same for the rest of the family... And definitely not for the clones that came after."
Sadhric
"Your kind are dangerous. I don't blame Cato for killing Maltez, but the fear that remained in the man after his bizarre resurrection and resurgence no doubt fueled some of the extreme measures we saw in the war. It is difficult to imagine fighting any of you without extreme measures. The Mandalorians are legendarily famous for being successful at it--to have a Mandal who is also one of you? Just bloody wonderful, Trander." With a sigh, he shook his head and stared at the room.
Jeryndi:
He cleared his throat a little. "Two, actually... Though, one is currently imprisoned on Hapes." But he didn't linger on that... "I get where you're coming from... And looking back, I'm sure that's exactly why Ker'dan did it... For all I know, he could've been mad all along and was using me for that specific purpose. I'd like to think it wasn't, but I'm not so naive as to think its not a possibility."
Sadhric
Sadhric was used to ignoring when others misunderstood what he was saying or when they spoke in non sequitur. He did so here, flexing the fingers of one hand against the armrest of his chair.
Sitting there, he recalled Ker'dan Akir, the first time he'd ever encountered the man. The face. The eyes. He hadn't been mad then. Evidently, by that time he'd already have been an elder to Sadhric's grandmother, but right then, Sadhric knew he'd been sane. He had, once or twice, referred to Ker'dan as mad during the Little War, too, but he did not really believe it. Instead, he thought it likely that Ker'dan had been on a similar point in the balance of it all to the one he'd discovered himself perched on a few times. If it was to happen inevitably, why not take advantage?
He sighed. Flicked a dark-eyed look at Jeryndi. "Tell me exactly what Kel'dan said to you. Exactly what he asked."
Jeryndi:
He sighed and met Sadhric's gaze. His eyes were serious, but not burdened like they'd been before. "He said, I need help controlling the Force. I feel lost." He made a face. "He also said, I think you're the only one who'd been willing to teach me." He rubbed the back of his hands. "I'm not teaching him anything advanced, if you say yes... The last thing we want isa Mandalorian who can throw thousands of pounds with a flick of the wrist... And who knows what his actual talents are... That's never been explored."
Sadhric
Quiet for a moment, a low frustration finally made The Mechanic's gaze shift off to the side. "Did he say what that meant? That lost-ness?"
Jeryndi:
He shook his head. "He didn't say... But he looked lost when he came by last night and asked me to help him... I didn't drop my shields to feel him out."
Sadhric
More quiet. Then: "What would Cato do?"
Jeryndi:
He sighed and leaned back on the couch. "I don't know. I think you'd know that better than me."
Sadhric
Another shift. Intense puzzlement took over Sadhric's face. "Why? I've never understood. How is it that none of his students knew him? Even now?"
Jeryndi:
"Even during my training with him, he was more distant than not... And I've only seen him a handful of times since I started training with other Masters. I'll always be grateful to him-- he introduced me to the Force and got me out of that shithole that I called a home, but I can't say I ever really knew him."
Sadhric
Sadhric leaned forward, gripping the armrests. "I'm asking how that could be." He finally rested his forearms on his thighs, watching Jeryndi with embers behind his eyes.
Jeryndi:
"In my experience, the how lies with the man in question... He never let me get close. I can't speak for others... But it seemed to me the two of you were friends."
Sadhric
"That's a foolish answer for a student. Even a student who learns no more." He was speaking to keep the tightness out of his face.
Jeryndi:
He shrugged again. "I think he cared for me, in his own way... When I was bad off, when I was conflicted with personalities, he told me to give up the Force."
Sadhric
"Did you take that as selfishly as Solomon did?"
Jeryndi:
"Probably," he said with a small laugh.
Sadhric
The Mechanic shook his head. "I don't know what to say to any of you anymore," he whispered.
Jeryndi:
"Have we changed?" he asked. "Or have you?" It wasn't meant to be insulting, but a genuinely curious question. Though it was soft-spoken and gentle.
Sadhric
Sadhric met his eyes with a crooked grin and a cynical, one-note growly laugh. "Me. Definitely. I see you all now."
Jeryndi:
He didn't smile back. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he asked. In that same tone.
Sadhric
The man's brow tensed. "A sad thing."
Jeryndi:
His expression changed a little, looking more thoughtful. "I don't presume to know," he said softly. "I don't see my kind as a threat anymore. They're scattered and hidden... But not the same could be said of the Akirs... I don't foresee things so I don't know... But I know how close I came to going Dark a few times... And I'd like to prevent that with him, if possible."
Sadhric
Perhaps the subject change was for the best. A refocusing. So be it. Solomon, too, was incapable of following a topic into the uncomfortable dark. "Do you think you can?"
Jeryndi:
"I don't know... I'm not really a teacher. I can show him how to control certain things... But ultimately, maintaining control and discipline is up to the student."
Sadhric
"No offense, Trander, but this might be one of those times when you should ask for help."
Jeryndi:
"Do you know of anyone else who'd come here and help a Mandalorian with this?" he asked softly. "You've got a point-- nobody wants to see a Mandal with the Force, Sadhric... But you know he'll never agree to Jedi training. And you need him here right now."
Sadhric
At the first question, Sadhric held Jeryndi's gaze. "How many people have you tried?"
Jeryndi:
"I haven't tried anyone... But I don't have direct contact with anybody. I haven't called Cato.... I figured if he wanted to see me, he'd come find me and he hasn't. I wouldn't ask Sol. I can't ask Kabel. Leiyn is raising 4 kids... Seriously, who to call?" he asked.
Sadhric
"You haven't even tried. You've written off everyone you know, and the others you don't."
Jeryndi:
He sighed softly. "I'll ask around... But I don't foresee anybody stepping up to the plate... And these other people I don't know?" he asked, giving him a pointed look.
Sadhric
The Mechanic bowed his head and scrubbed fingers through his very short hair. "I can't be holding your hands. I've been guiding you fools for years and nothing has changed. If anything, you've all grown worse. Or more stagnant. More cynical. Can't you figure out anything for yourselves?"
Jeryndi:
"I'm not a Jedi," he said softly. "I'm just Jeryndi... And there's a lot of things I haven't been around for. Not an excuse, but its a reason not to know people... Put me in contact with them and I'll ask."
Sadhric
"Solomon has sworn to me he will not become involved here. But call him, and relate the trouble. For whatever reason, he is vulnerable to the fantasy of these hypocrites, so should he volunteer himself, feel free to remind him of that. He knows the others with whom you might collaborate."
Jeryndi:
He nodded slightly. "I'll call him." He gave Sadhric an apologetic look. "I meant to say it sooner, but I got kinda lost in the subject... Thank you."
Sadhric
Sadhric had closed his eyes; now he opened them, shaking his head, and stood up. "Don't thank me. I think a 'lost' Mandal sensitive has to be worse than an unlost one."
Jeryndi:
He stood up, too, and walked over towards a cabinet. He opened it and withdrew the silver handle of his saber... "Thank you for this," he said softly. "For returning it."
Sadhric
"Ah." His fingers closed, as if he were remembering holding the thing. "That. Yes. I thought perhaps, with your children being returned to you, it was best if you were released from the past so you could look ahead."
Jeryndi:
"The note... I appreciate that, too," he said, nodding slightly. "I hope I don't ever have to use it again, either... But if I do, better to be this one... This one is... new me. If that makes any sense."
This one is of... the new me.”
Sadhric
"How could it not," Sadhric muttered, but he was nodding. "Trander. About Cato...."
Jeryndi:
He was putting it back into the cabinet and shutting it... He looked up to meet Sadhric's eyes. "Hm?"
Sadhric
His brows were tight again. "He really never taught you anything that stuck with you?"
"Anything you value even now?"
Jeryndi:
"He taught me a lot of thing. I value many of them... But the biggest thing I learned from him was that the Jedi Order was an order of religion... People often overlook or forget that. But I never did. I still have my faith, even if I don't want to be a Jedi anymore."
Sadhric
"'A lot of things.' Like what?"
Jeryndi:
He sighed. "He taught me all of the lightsaber forms... He taught me that I should never be caught with my guard down... Something I never really got the hang of... He taught me to try and trust in people, even if it doesn't work out. He taught me that... I could choose to be someone better than I had been taught."
Sadhric
Sadhric wound up at the window. Outside, evening had become true night. Unlike Coruscant, night here was dark. Lights shown, but not so many; never so many. "Lightsaber forms. I wish you all had learned more deeply. If you can't take in the more important layers, with all your gifts, what fucking hope is there."
Jeryndi:
His eyes narrowed on Sadhric. "Hey... I learned a lot," he said softly. "But Cato was gone more than he was here while I was his padawan... I learned a lot of valuable things. But the things he should have taught me... He wasn't here for," he said gently. "And I don't blame him for that... There was a war going on. He was needed... And after the Cataclysm, I was dying... So I sought help with Murra and Kabraka."
Sadhric
"Mm." Very quiet now. Little electric blue points of light burned, drifting through the dark, before winking out again, leaving a ghostly green afterimage on Sadhric's eyes. Glowdrifters. First one, then a few, and eventually Sadhric could pick out dozens of them near and far outside. It shifted his focus enough that he could heave a sigh and let some of his disappointment go.
Jeryndi:
He slowly walked over to the window, leaning against the wall beside it and joined Sadhric in gazing out into the night... "I really do wish I -could- say I knew him... I'm sorry."
Sadhric
He felt hot and his face felt tight like it was the last barrier between emotion he didn't know how to safely vent and the world outside. He realized he was following the flight of the glowdrifters with a stare sharp as a weapon and made himself stop.
"There has to be...." He knew he was speaking, but hadn't decided to do it. "Trander, there has to be a way out of this."
Jeryndi:
"A way out of what, exactly?" he asked softly. His expression, his body language, his tone... Conveyed a mixture of emotion. Tension out of anxiety for what he might say. Hope. Sadness that he was seeing Sadhric like this... But nothing indicated he was watching him through the Force. Because he wasn't. He knew Sadhric didn't like that and so was respecting his wishes.
Sadhric
"This cycle," Sadhric whispered. The little insects outside might as well have been seed-fluff rising slowly in a breeze. He glanced at Jeryndi. "I think I'm trapped in it until I figure it out."
Jeryndi:
"This cycle of dealing with Force users?" he asked. "Or do you mean being the one who makes the hard threats?"
Sadhric
He shook his head and stepped away from the window. "Neither. The threats are just part of it."
Jeryndi:
"Explain?" he asked. "I don't know if I can help you, but I can listen... And help if I can," he said gently.
Sadhric
It caught Sadhric up short and he laughed. "Yeah? You'd like a go at it?"
Jeryndi:
He shrugged and moved to sit back down on the couch. "I have no room to judge others... And who knows? Maybe talking about it will help?"
Sadhric
Clearly skeptical about that, Sadhric was nonetheless still, regarding Jeryndi as a bemused look settled in on his face. "All right." What did he have to lose? "Did you know there was a moment in the war when Cato cursed me for not being of help to Gavin Ambrose? He since apologized, but in that moment he was furious at me for not influencing the Republic. Furious at me for leaving them to their own course."
Jeryndi:
"Why would he expect you to take sides?" he asked.
Sadhric
"Not the point. He was angry. The Republic was annihilated. Maybe he thought I could have stopped that if I'd haunted them earlier. Or perhaps I was just on hand, and therefore a convenient target when he needed to lash out and vent." He eyed Jeryndi. He knew perfectly well Jeryndi hadn't known that. No one did. And Jeryndi had been dead.
Jeryndi:
A frown crossed his face as he thought about it... And he was silent for a long moment. "I didn't know about any of that... But is that what it felt like? That he was lashing out at you? Or did it feel like real anger -at- you?"
Sadhric
"Disappointment -in- me, I think."
Jeryndi:
"Do you think it was because of your actions or the lack thereof? Or another reason?"
Sadhric
"What do you mean? I just told you, for a start, that he later recognized it as irrational, and also that it was from a flash of anguish over Ambrose's fate. And the fate of the Republic." He leveled a look at Jeryndi. "You think I'm relating this due to the personal sting."
Jeryndi:
"I didn't really know Ambrose... Was he very close to him?" he asked.
Sadhric
"I doubt it. He respected his aims, however. His methods, too, probably." Another laugh shook him, this one quiet. "I can see this going awry already. I don't seem capable of putting words to this. With Darien, I started with Mandalore. With Solomon, past friends. Neither of them could read deeper--I knew that before they did. There's no good way to begin."
Jeryndi:
"Start where you think this cycle began?" he suggested.
Sadhric
"Ah. That. We've all been decaying and sliding apart for far longer than I've been alive. Far longer than Kel'dan, even, no? That's the cycle. Cultural entropy."
Sadhric gave a sour look. "I suppose that was more of a Solomon answer than the truth. He lives in the fog of the vague."
Jeryndi:
"Cultural entropy," he echoed softly. "That is... An - interesting- way of putting it... But yes. Solomon does have a... Uhh... -lack- of a way with words."
Sadhric
"Do you think it's the words or the thoughts that fail him?" It was asked with a confounding mix in its quiet, which had elements of reproach, protectiveness, and cool distance, all three.
Jeryndi:
"A bit of both," he admitted... "And the unwillingness to be honest with himself."
Sadhric
"Aye."
Jeryndi:
He looked up to meet Sadhric's eyes and nodded slightly. "I don't know how to handle this thing you call entropy... I guess it's been a generational thing. The slow decline into something much more... Sinister... The galaxy, it seems, has gone to shit in our lifetimes.“
Sadhric
"It was gone before that. I remember Moonrider talking to me about his own battle with it. Also long before I ever existed."
Jeryndi:
"Even now, it's vastly different than it was when I was a child," he said softly. "It may have gone to shit before that, but I didn't know about it."
Sadhric
"Mm. Did you know that Moonrider had been a Jedi?"
Jeryndi:
"Yes," he said, nodding slightly.
Sadhric
"Not much mystery what happened to his philosophy. Knowing that fact, have you ever contemplated it?"
Jeryndi:
"No," he said softly. "Hard to think about Moonrider when I was the one to kill him," he said, looking away.
Sadhric
"Not about him. About his fall." Sadhric was unsurprised. Nearly none of the Jedi-trained sentients he'd met seemed to take lessons from history or the fates of those around them. They were very, very narrow of scope. He was close to giving up here, too.
Jeryndi:
"Not really," he admitted. "Tell me?"
Sadhric
"Why don't you tell me," The Mechanic said in a flat tone, voice gone so low and quiet it was barely more than an edge of its normal sound. "You've never considered it. I suppose you were too busy with your lightsaber forms. So here we are. How about you think about it now? Tell me what kind of man you think he could have been before he became the High Protector. Before Ashmael Meloch. Tell me what you imagine happened."
Jeryndi:
"If he was a Jedi... I'd say he was probably a good man at some point," he said softly. He laced his fingers together, leaning forward again. Elbows on knees. "But I know from personal experience that different things break different people. It all depends on our weaknesses, our breaking points... I don't know what his were. But I know when you get to that breaking point... You either give in or you overcome."
Sadhric:
If he was a Jedi... he was probably a good man. Sadhric stood there trying to see Jeryndi both through the years and as if he were distinct specimens at each meeting they'd had. As if he were all the members of his own species, sampled and categorized. What were the traits of the specimen before him now, as distinct from the others? The Mechanic leaned on that analysis because it could be shaped into a bridge that could keep him from plummeting into a chasm he'd sensed for some time now underneath him. "Why don't you speculate."
Jeryndi:
"I don't know enough to speculate," he admitted. "I don't know anything about him other than what I know from the Praetorian war."
Sadhric:
Sadhric's head jerked as he squinted. "It's speculation. Do you need a dictionary?"
Jeryndi:
He shook his head slightly. "I don't know what triggers he might've had... But I can't think of anything besides a pure lust for power that would lead to someone's drastic downfall like that that they didn't have a strong emotional reaction to... A loved one... Being forced to do something that tears you apart... Tears your -morals- apart... It can lead to much worse things. Lust for power. Greed. A darkness that consumes the mind and soul."
"and if he had a pure lust for power from the get go, he probably wouldn't have been a Jedi to begin with."
Sadhric:
"You said 'pure lust for power' twice." The Mechanic had first squinted at the word 'triggers,' but after that it was that phrase that had his attention. "It's as if you see power as its own thing in this case, and not as the means to an end."
Jeryndi:
"Even to acquire it as a means to an end would require motivation, does it not?" he asked softly.
Sadhric:
"A bit redundant," he said, turning his head to eye Jeryndi sidelong, nodding once with the observation.
Jeryndi:
He nodded. "But what I'm saying is... You don't go down that path without having a strong emotional reaction to something, somewhere."
"whether it's to acquire power to protect what you love... Or to avenge... Or to stop people from ever hurting you again... There's always a reason."
Sadhric:
"Yes, I know," Sadhric said in a bland, deadpan tone. "That's why I asked if you'd speculate in the first place."
Jeryndi:
He shook his head. "But I don't know what, his reason was. I can't guess because I don't know anything about him. Not really."
Sadhric:
"No? Hm. I think there's a lot there, even for one who didn't have to listen to his ravings." He sighed. "Trander, I think you mean well."
Jeryndi:
He nodded slightly. "I'm trying," he said, sounding earnest. "I'm trying to live this life with more compassion and understanding... And I can't do that living like I was."
Sadhric:
Sadhric acknowledged that with a tiny nod of his own. He whispered, "I'm going to leave you to it and wish you good night."
Jeryndi:
He stood up. "Hey... If you ever need help... And you think I -might- be able to help.... Seriously. Call me."
Sadhric:
The Mechanic smiled a very small and crooked smile that nearly bared a canine. "I'll consider it," he replied tiredly before turned to go.
Jeryndi:
He held out his hand to Sadhric. "Thank you... For everything... And being considerate enough to let me come here."
Sadhric:
There was a moment in which Sadhric didn't move, just eyed the hand. Then he reanimated reluctantly and shifted his weight so that he could clasp it wordlessly.
Jeryndi:
He took Sadhric's hand and gave him a small smile. "Have a good night... And I hope things get easier.". He sounded genuinely concerned, but didn't offer to help. The offer had been made and Sadhric, hopefully, knew it still stood.
