Post by Marshall on Sept 17, 2015 13:52:28 GMT -5
(Summery: While in deten.... er quarantine....)
Marcus Thorne: "So, Solomon," Marcus says after some time has passed. ".. Did you really tell me earlier your mom wouldn't let you fight in the war? How old -were- you then?"
Solomon Tekal: He had been lying flat, dropping in and out of meditation. When Marcus called his name, though, Sol opened his eyes and pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could see the Duke, "My late teens," was the simple response, "Why?"
Marcus Thorne: "Your mom was still making your decisions then?" He asks with a chuckle, shaking his head. He himself was propped up on one elbow on his own cot.
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi looked up as someone finally decided to talk. She had been working on new orders and changes for patients as necessary, though there had not been much change today in their prognoses. Her eyes narrowed at Marcus. The man had already ribbed Solomon about this on their way back from the diseased ship.
Solomon Tekal: "She was a Jedi Master, Marcus," Sol pushed himself up further, taking in a half-lounged position, "And you ever see her mad?" Sol shook his head, "worse than Master Cato. There was no way I was going to question her authority back then."
Marcus Thorne: "Jedi Master or not, Sol. I just find it hard to believe that in the middle of a Galactic Civil War, your mother had you reading books instead of training and fighting with the rest of us. Like I said before, I was a padawan for Gala. That's how desperate things were." Marcus shakes his head.
Solomon Tekal: "Heh, I don't get the point of this, Marcus. What are you accusing my mother of? What are you accusing me of? -- My brother? We were supply runners. All that stuff that kept the refugees going? That was us, man. We didn’t need to be part of the fighting. We were holding down the fort."
Arabi Cordelle: Her brow rose as she looked between the two men. It had been a frustrating time in isolation and she had simply tried to remain uninvolved. She was curious about this history.
Marcus Thorne: "Well, I guess someone needed to do the little things," he replies with a shrug. "Not everyone could be actually fighting in the war I suppose."
Solomon Tekal: "Really, Marcus? How much time do you actually spend paying attention to what's going on around you, rather than living in your own little world?" He was leaning forward against his left knee. He had bent that leg and braced his left arm over it, "Seriously, how much time?"
Ripley Tanner: From her spot on the bed, Ripley peeked an eye open to the pair. After hours upon hours of napping, something worth interesting finally had her attention. She sat up slowly, stretching in a languished manner, while her grey eyes intently watched Solomon and Marcus.
Marcus Thorne: "Oh, you mean during the years I've been freeing oppressed peoples of the Galaxy? How many planets have you liberated, Solomon? Or has the Temple kept you on a tight leash?" Marcus pauses a moment and turns his head towards Arabi. "No offense."
Solomon Tekal: Solomon tilted his head to the side, "You honestly want me to start listing them, Marcus? Because I can. I can start with the whole kriffing galaxy. It was -my- program that brought down the locks during The Rift Crisis, I just recently saved The Hapes Consortium from a coup. That's how I busted my knee, you know. But what the hell does that matter? Marcus Thorne has been doing it for -years-. I'm wondering, though, do your heroics count those that you hurt on Ord Mantel with that Force Scream of yours? I just recently went back, wiped out an entire fleet of pirates -- Ord Mantel is still cleaning up your mess."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi blinked with wide eyes at the rather interesting comment on her people. The fact that Marcus had even acknowledged that he might have offended her was amusing. The comment he used was hysterical to her and she had to hold back a laugh. But it was easy to get back to sober when Solomon started listing.
Marcus Thorne: "Hey, Altar was a team effort, man. I don't know where you get your ego from, but it's really not cool." He frowns at Solomon, looking disappointed in him. Then anger flashes at the mention of Ord Mantell. "That wasn't me, that was the Entity. I had no more control there than I did here. Well.. Until I broke free, but you know what I mean. And Hapes? Well, there you go. Count that as a win in the Tekal column. I'm sure you did that all by yourself."
Solomon Tekal: He sat, watching Marcus for a moment, before laying back down. "Whatever, man," he waved his right hand in the air over him, dismissing Thorne's claims. "It really doesn’t matter anyway. I don't need to prove anything to you, Thorne. Neither does anyone in my family."
Marcus Thorne: "So much for Tekal family honor," he mutters. "Guess that died with Murra too."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi's hand went to her mouth in shock. "Marcus!" She shouted in disbelief and disappointment. She may not be keen on Solomon right now, but that was hitting below the belt.
Ripley Tanner: Ripley let out a low whistle. Her grey eyes watched Solomon carefully.
Solomon Tekal: Very slowly Solomon sat up, swung his feet over the edge of the bed and eyed Thorne, "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I couldn't hear it over the sound of your bantha fodder."
Marcus Thorne: Marcus was tired, frustrated, and cooped up against his will. It wasn't exactly the best mood builder and Solomon's words had gotten under his skin. So when the low blow landed and the Tekal began to react, Marcus began to apologize... as Sol spoke up again with that tone. "Look, it's nothing personal. I'm just saying...” he cast a glance from Arabi to Ripley and back to Sol.
Solomon Tekal: "Nothing personal," Solomon continued to watch Marcus closely, "The insult was direct, Marcus. It -was- personal. You barely know me, Marcus, and I'm pretty damn sure you don't know my family. I didn't appreciate it, man. It was a cold, cold cut, and it was uncalled for."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi moved to the edge of her bed. She was glad Marcus was backing down. They were trying to all survive being cooped up together. It had been going well until now.
Marcus Thorne: "Yeah? You think I like all the constant little digs either? None of your Jedi have ever given me respect. Why the hell is it so surprising I never stuck around?" His frown held strong, barely keeping from glaring out at Sol.
Solomon Tekal: "-That's- what this is about?! You're trying to get back at me?!" Solomon shook his head and pushed himself unsteadily up, "Look, Thorne, I have no control over what other Jedi do, so I can't apologize for them. I -can-, though, offer the peace branch for myself. I called you a friend once," he was hobbling toward where Marcus lounged, "I'd like to keep doing so, despite all my bad habits. Look, I've been pretty unfair to you since you've come back. I told you we were even after the piggy-back thing. I meant it, we're even. Just, don’t insult my family. They haven't done a damn thing to you."
Ripley Tanner: The image of watching an angry Solomon Tekal hobble while speaking of piggy-back rides that would forever be burned in her memory. It took everything she had not to crack up at the sight but instead promised herself a good laugh over the image much later... when she wasn't in the presence of semi-hostel company. So, for now, Ripley kept her mouth shut and simply watched the pair continue to.... was bickering the right word? Nagging. Her mind wandered and mulled over different synonym's that would match 'bickering'.
Solomon Tekal: "No, I'm not trying to get back at -you-. By the gods, Sol. It's not always about you." He rolls his eyes. "It's this place. I was supposed to come here, announce I defeated the damn Entity, and go on with my life. Instead, I bring the damn thing here and it tries to kill everyone. Not exactly the reception I was going on," he mutters the last sentence, shaking his head. "So I stay, try to clean up, do my part... blah blah, I even try to do a good deed and help with the damn rescue. But now my happy ass is stuck in this quarantine for another three flipping days."
Marcus Thorne: "Olive branch? Yeah, sure. That's all well and good. You're just swell. It's the rest of these clowns that get to me."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi wondered if clown was a term for something. She did not recognize the word but it sounded.... derogatory. She looked at the two men confused.
Solomon Tekal: He came to a stop not too far away from Thorne's bed and folded his arms over his chest, "You're preaching to the choir, there, Marcus. I get it. I understand. You feel like an outsider when you should be on the 'in'. It’s like they don't see you for who you are, or they can't appreciate who that person is. All they see is the mistakes," he smirked slightly, "Like it’s all bravado and forget everything else. Right?"
Ripley Tanner: Ripley listened and finally spoke. “It’s like a sickness.” She said to no one and yet everyone. “A sickening fear that grows within. Like some infectious disease that spreads from one organ to the next. A contamination that fills the blood. That feeling; its unstoppable. Incurable. That feeling of becoming obsolete. The feeling of being nothing more than a pity party. That all people see are the faults. That we are an obligation or a requirement to make someone else feel good about themselves. And it all started with doubt.” She was no longer looking at any of them. Instead those grey eyes were glanced down at her fingers that twisted and picked at the sheet in her grasp. “Doubt within yourself, within your talents and abilities. Doubt that it’s not good enough. Doubt that all we’ve done is fucked up an already fucked situation. We feed into this doubt by trying to do something with ourselves. To push ourselves to become greater in the hopes that someone notices. So that we can find someone that can look past our faults and failures. And when we don't? We feel more doubt. It becomes a vicious feeding cycle to the fear and insecurities. We feel it. We react. We pray someone notices something besides what we did wrong. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.” She released a heavy breath and finally glanced up at the three in the room. “Or so I’ve heard.”
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi's ears fell. Ripley could have been talking about her and every word hit home. She visibly lowered in her stature with every sentence. It hurt enough that she felt the strong desire to turn around and lay down, hiding her face from those present, especially Solomon, but only just kept herself seated.
Marcus Thorne: Marcus nods to Solomon, "Yeah man, That's...” but then Ripley began speaking. At first, he was ready to ignore the young girl... but then he listened and stared at her as she spoke. When she finishes, he can only gape in her direction, unable to process how that made him feel.
Solomon Tekal: Ripley had Solomon's attention. He had turned from Marcus to watch the young woman evenly. He kept his surprise to himself. Her usual randomness was not so entirely random this time around. It was actually quite a profound observation, and it brought a small smile to his face, "That, Ripley, is a truth that I think we are all struggling with." He was the one to break the silence. Both Arabi and Marcus looked stunned beyond words. The message had reached them, it had reached Solomon, and he knew what was at the root of it all. "It seems kind of funny, well at least to me, that we would all suddenly find ourselves in the same place at the same time like this." His eyes turned toward Arabi, then to Marcus, "It’s really kind of funny, actually."
Ripley Tanner: They no longer had her attention. Ripley felt no need to watch Arabi turn to her cot and take a seat; though she had heard the movement. The sound of springs creaking against the weight of the Cathar. She heard the blankets ruffle against the standard sterilization clothing they were provided. She didn’t watch Marcus Thorne gape at her but did take note of how that was the quietest she’d ever heard the older Gentleman. Secretively and with a small bit of self-satisfaction, Ripley gave herself a cool point for being the one to render him speechless. Solomon, she listened to the Tekal as he spoke the obvious and almost found an urge to look in his direction. Almost. Instead those grey eyes stared out at the clear glass window, watching people run around their normal busy lives.
Every so often a glance would be spared in their direction. Sometimes they were looks of curiosity. Most were sympathetic. And then few were of casual interest mixed with the disinterest of their lives. Ripley thought of the other patients in the medical center. How many were dying right now? How many were praying to their Fates, or the Force, or whatever they believe in hoping to gain another second? Another minute? How many were fighting for their lives while the small group sat conversing? It seemed so poetically bitter sweet. The innocent dies while our heroes sit, twiddling their thumbs behind a clear glass window.
“Yeah,” She finally agreed. “It does sound kind of funny; like a corny bad joke that you know is going to be bad but can’t help but tell anyway. A quack Doctor, a wannabe Hero, a Jedi Padawan, and a smartass kid all get stuck in a quarantined room….” She half scoffed, half laughed.
Marcus Thorne: "Hilarious," Marcus grumps after listening to Solomon, and then Ripley again. Wannabe hero. She lost him there, his previous point proven. Thorne settles back down on his cot, turning his attention away from the others.
Solomon Tekal: Solomon straightened at Marcus rolled over, shaking his head as he looked between the gathered, "No, Ripley. It’s not that kind of joke. The joke is that it’s not a "wannabe" hero, a Jedi "Padawan", a "quack" doctor, or a smartass "kid". The joke is that we can't see the truth that is sitting right before us," he waved his right hand dismissively and shook his head, "Look," he said, turning his attention to Ripley, "All that crap you did on Hapes to help dig us out of the fodder. No one asked you to do it. You were there. You got your hands dirty on your own. A -kid- wouldn't have done that. A -kid- would have wet themselves and gone off to hide in a corner. You can't tell me otherwise. I watched you in action. You may be a smartass, Ripley, but you aren't a kid. And Marcus -- despite your very large and sometimes hard to take ego -- you -are- a hero. You have done a great deal to help this galaxy. You don't need to prove it to anybody. You just need to know it for yourself. You start believing it instead of trying to prove it and there will be a difference," his shoulders fell as he turned, limping slightly to face where Arabi sat, "And Arabi," he took in a slow breath and released it slowly while watching the Cathar, "You are not a quack," a quick glance was cast toward Ripley, "You are overwhelmed and still struggling to find your place. You frustrated, and I cannot blame you. None of us should. You a wise woman. I have seen you handle the younglings and other Padawan in your daily life. You are an inspiration to them, a guiding hand. You are an influence that those young minds will remember for the rest of their lives. They will think of you, one day when things grow dark for them, and they will smile because they remember your spirit. You aren't a quack. You're just getting your footing."
Ripley Tanner: Ripley listened as they spoke or didn’t speak while her mind continued to cling the previous thought of the people dying in the Temple right at this very moment. That thought expanded to how many were dying in the planet. Then to the star complex. Finally the entire galaxy. Ripley tried to imagine the weight of so much death. Was it crushing or peaceful? Did it hurt or was it painless? How many fought for their lives and how many surrendered with the thought that it was their time?
“We’re such selfish creatures.” She spoke again. “It’s pathetic when you really think about it. All of us charge in to save the innocent with the reasoning that it’s the right thing to do. That we’re being the “good” guys by saving innocent lives. But the reality of it is… we’re selfish.” Ripley almost scoffed. “We save innocence because we can’t deal with the guilt of knowing we didn’t help. We charge in, save them, and get that feel good feeling. It doesn’t matter if anyone knows about it or not because that feeling still comes. That tiny voice in the back of your mind that says, ‘You did the right thing! Good job, kiddo!’
“We don’t save them because it’s the right thing to do. We save them because we can’t deal with the thought that we could have done something. At the root of it all, saving someone else is all about making yourself feel better. Pretty damn selfish, if you ask me. If we didn’t feel the guilt, if we were able to ignore crushing shame that we allowed someone to die, if we were able to look the other way…. would we still be the heroes?”
Arabi Cordelle: At her name, Arabi looked up into Solomon’s eyes. His words hit home for her. She teared up a bit, realizing he saw her in a different light than she had expected. And it seemed his opinion of her wasn't as low as she thought. It went a long way to healing the rift between them. She gave him a nod and a half smile. Arabi turned to Ripley. “There is a difference between motivation and side effect. A person can do something with a good motivation behind it and still have the side effect of something more selfish. It is our intention and our actions that matter not necessarily the side effect."
Marcus Thorne: Marcus can only nod his head to Solomon out of a mutual respect before Ripley speaks again, causing the White Knight to re-engage, shaking his head. "You can speak for yourself, girl. Don't presume to know the motivations of every person in the Galaxy based off of your own thoughts and feelings. In the war, there were millions of volunteers who fought bravely and died, knowing their names would never be remembered. They didn't fight for glory like some Mandalorian. They fought because it was the right thing to do. They fought, they risked everything, and most paid the ultimate sacrifice. I hold the names of as many as I can in my memory, and I try to honor them in my actions. That, my dear Ripley, is why -I- do this. I fight because they no longer can. My ego," he adds, glancing to Solomon, "is a defense mechanism to keep serious conversations like this at bay."
His frown holds, his attention back to the young woman. "I have two choices when I think about and talk about the battles I've endured. I can either crumble under the guilt of so many that couldn't make it, or I can concentrate on the victory, the end result, the masses that were saved and freed from our actions. I choose the latter... because who benefits from the former? What inspiration can I be if I can't be strong enough to rise above my circumstances?"
Solomon Tekal: Solomon turned and headed back towards his bed. He needed to sit, and he did so as the conversation got underway, "For some people," he said quietly when Marcus had finished, "It is about the glory. For some, it is about the recognition. Not for all. I, myself, pushed that line a few times in my life. But it all comes back around. Marcus is right. If we cannot rise above our circumstances, what kind of people are we?" He turned where he sat to see Ripley, "And it’s not even about inspiring others. It can’t be. It can’t be about just making that impression. It’s gotta be about being happy with who you are. To hells with what others may think about you, as a person. You live right, do your job, help where you can, and accept yourself and it all falls into place. You can’t make everyone happy, and you can’t save every life. You can’t let that linger, though. To do so will crush you. To think about those you could have helped but just weren’t fast enough, were too far away, or The Force just called back," he shook his head, "It will turn your soul black, and that guilt you talked about will drive you mad."
Ripley Tanner: Each answer was listened to and absorbed like a sponge in water. Each person’s viewpoints and rebuttals were carefully mulled and processed. Ripley finally looked at them.
“What is the root of our intentions?” She peacefully challenged to Arabi. “I’m not questioning the good the person did. I’m questioning the why. Why did they do it? What made them do it?”
Her eyes glanced to Marcus. “There are two sides of a war, this we all know. What tells us the side we fight for is the right one? Doesn’t the person you’re fighting believe the same thing? They’re doing what’s right and we’re the ones in the wrong?” Ripley thought about Hapes and the military coup she had been so ‘brave’ to fight in. Some had good intentions to fight against the crown. Some believed they were making a better home for their families. They joined with good intentions and yet still died. They would be remembered as the “bad guys” instead of the guy who tried to help his country and family.
“What about this,” she proposed to the White Knight. “you kill a person in battle to protect another. What if that person you protected went out and killed someone else; someone who was just as innocent as they were when you saved them? Does that still justify the death of the person you killed? On some cosmic level are you the one held responsible because you intervened and stopped their death?”
She looked to Solomon now. “It’s the why. Does the why justify the means? What tells us that we’re doing the right thing, what makes us the good guys over the bad ones? Why are we the heroes when our hands are dripping with so much blood?”
Another pause. “A man believes a government is impure. He sees something he doesn’t like being done within the system. He tells his beliefs and opinions to another person and that person agrees. They tell another, and then another, and another until the numbers grow into massive sizes. Those beliefs reach a catalyst and a civil war breaks out. The war turns into a genocide. Now, those people believe they are doing the right thing. They truly feel within the depths of their soul that this is right.” She sighed. “Step back from the picture and place yourself into their shoes. You’re fighting this war because you truly believe it’s the right thing to do. You’re stepping up to fight this war; to protect your family and save your country and someone comes in to stop you. Who is truly right? Which reason, which motivation, which intention outweighs the other?”
Arabi Cordelle: "I suppose it’s not always known. I don't always think before I join a fight to save other's lives. It’s not a clear decision with deep forethought and debate as to the deep down whys. All I know is that people are dying and they need help. I can't stand by and not do something. Saving lives is a part of me." She shook her head. "Hindsight is the only true ability for one to see his own Why's."
Solomon Tekal: "History will always paint the losers of any war as the bad guys. That’s just how it is, because the good guys never lose. But on a personal level you need to trust yourself to know. And simply because someone has a differing view does not make them entirely wrong. This is why Jedi are not encouraged to fight wars. It is why negotiation and mediation is stressed before fighting should take place. If peace can be reached through understanding then we must do all within our abilities to understand the common ground. There are instances, our recent battle on Hapes for example, where you will find leaders who do not respect the fine lines they are overstepping. What we were facing wasn’t an army looking to usurp the throne like some upstarts. What we were facing were men and women who were following orders from a Dark Jedi madman. It doesn't make their deaths any less impactful. I think about them every day, I think about Celeste, and Lydia, and Glory every single day, Ripley. I think about Vahn and Kirkoff, and I wonder if there could have been another way. The simple answer is maybe. I didn’t have to get my hands into it. I didn’t have to take the job I did. If I hadn't though, I might now be with Trinity. You might be dead. It’s all comes down to this: everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it, but we don't have to. We just need to have faith that The Force would not steer is wrong."
Ripley Tanner: “That’s your ‘why’, Arabi.” She answered. “You cannot stand by and not do something. You can’t live with yourself knowing that you could have helped. The guilt and shame would be too much.” Arabi’s answer perfectly tied into her previous point. The root of all selfless behaviors was selfishness. Idly, Ripley wondered if Arabi saw the argument she was making.
She was silent as Marcus continued to ponder the scenario she proposed to him. It was a difficult situation to think of and she appreciated him taking the time to really give it thought. Or at least, she hoped he was giving it thought. It was Marcus after all.
Ripley’s attention went back to Solomon. “At what point does the blood on our hands become no better than the ones we try to defeat?” She proposed. “At what point do we become no better than them? We take a life and say that it’s for the right reasons. They take a life and claim the same. Both believe they are doing the right thing but… who decides? What decides?”
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi shook her head. "ITs not about guilt or shame concerning my actions. It’s about the fact that people should not knowingly harm other people. I will protect those that cannot protect themselves, not because it makes me feel better, or to avoid guilt, but because it’s not right. It shouldn't be. It is a wrong in the world that should never occur. I can see where you are going, but it isn't the same. It’s a fine line between the two but they are not the same."
Marcus Thorne: Marcus didn't have the energy for this intense of a debate, and simply rolls over in his cot to zone it out and sleep.
Solomon Tekal: "And that's just it," Solomon nodded his head once toward Arabi, "I'm not attempting to justify taking a life. There are no instances in which taking a life is the right course of action. To be the bringer of death, it does not matter which side you are on, is a movement against life. Blood is blood, no matter whose hands it lands on. A wise man once told me that the ends cannot, and should not, justify the means. Killing, even in the name of peace, is not justifiable. It may not be avoidable, but it is certainly not justifiable. There is no way to decide which life is the right life to take. Morals are subjective and are prone to change depending on who you are speaking to," he paused, shifting his weight just slightly where he sat, "For every life taken amends must be made, this is what the Jedi believe. This is their point of view. Some take to meditation to contemplate what moved them to take that life. Others devote themselves to volunteer work, others teaching or charity. For every life taken, for every drop of blood, counter steps should be taken to help perpetuate life. Even the smallest of tasks to help can make the biggest difference. It’s a struggle for balance, one that every Jedi, or Vanguard, should know."
Ripley Tanner: “Where does that leave the ones who are not Jedi or Vanguards?” She questioned. “The scoundrels? The everyday man who happened to be at the right place at the wrong time? A man kills another man for whatever reason he believes was right. He’s not a Jedi. He does not meditate. He does not have the Force. He does not devote his life to volunteer work, charity, or teaching. He simply goes about his daily life. Does that rescind his reasoning? Does that make him the bad person because he didn't help perpetuate life?”
Ripley sighed and looked around the room. To Arabi. To the sleeping Marcus. To Solomon. “I think that sometimes people become haughty in their actions. I think sometimes, especially the heroes, forget to question matters such as this. It’s easy to forget. It’s easy to say you did the right thing as a coping mechanism. It’s easy because it can make you feel better and ease the guilt and shame you feel for taking another. It helps wash a little bit of the blood off your hands without feeling at fault.” Her petite shoulders shrugged.
Arabi Cordelle: "I don’t think you understand that we do feel guilt and that we do have to process through emotions that are not always the easy ones to handle." Arabi said. "The difference between the average person, just trying to live by his convictions and protecting his family and the Jedi is that we feel the same but we have training that enables us to work through our emotions and our reasoning. IT doesn't absolve us of guilt, but it gives us insight and time to process through our emotions and understanding. The average person may not have that privilege and certainly not the training. The taking of a life may haunt him forever, or he may just let it go because he has no other way to handle it and no choice but to get on with his life so that he can continue to care for others. Where the average man has only his own morals and ethics and his society or cultural morals and ethics to guide him, we have a third tier, that of our training. It doesn't make us better. It makes us privileged. So we use our privilege to help and serve. It’s what it means to be a Jedi."
Solomon Tekal: "No," Solomon had waited for Arabi to finish before speaking up, "Not being able to devote one's life to things like meditation and charity does not make a man 'bad'. A person like you, Ripley, who has lived their life without the training of a Jedi -- without knowing a deeper connection to The Force -- can still do good. You don't need to be Vanguard, or Jedi. You simply need to strive to be good, to pass good along. If you carry guilt with you take the time to understand why. If you hurt, or if you have hurt others, take the opportunity to understand how things can be made better. There is no special training for that. You don't need The Force to live a full life, or a life full of understanding and the desire to be more. It’s not the charity work, or meditation, or teaching that bring atonement. It’s the act of sacrifice. The normal man may have a family he is protecting. His life is devoted, his time sacrificed to care for those he loves. His atonement is made through seeing to their wellbeing. Others may make sacrifices by taking care of themselves and finding ways to cope with their burdens. Guilt is something that never goes away. I don't care who you are, or how you've lived. Once you take a life that sticks with you, it changes you. It can breed doubt that you didn't do enough to end things differently. It breeds the fear that it may happen again. Not many average men and women need to face the choice to take someone else's life. Not many average people will know the struggle to crawl out from that kind of burden. I am sorry that you had to make that choice, Ripley. I am sorry that you have that blood on your hands. "
Ripley Tanner: Arabi had opened a window for a different topic but Solomon’s words had firmly shut it. “Don’t be.” She said as Solomon spoke of the blood that was on her own hands. “I made peace with my decision the moment I decided to take another’s life. If I cannot be okay with my decisions the moment I make them, then it is not the right decision for me to make. I accepted my choices. I accepted my reasoning’s. I accept the blood that is on my hands and live with a clear conscious because of it. But for you. For Marcus. For the others,” She did not know Arabi well enough to speak for her. She didn’t care about Marcus enough to step on his pride in speaking for him. “I can see the guilt. I see the weight and I wanted to question it.”
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi nodded. She had not had a deep conversation like this outside her classrooms so it had been an interesting exercise. She didn't know what to say beyond what had been said however. Solomon had really finished their points nicely. Her eyes went to Marcus, wondering about what he was thinking, but he was silent. Perhaps he was lost in his own thoughts. She sat back against the wall and turned her gaze to look out the clear wall. Soon enough they would be back in the world they knew and loved, able to touch and be touched, able to really get back to work. For now though, it was time for introspection and work only able to be done through her Datapad.
Marcus Thorne: A cough comes from Marcus' bunk, but otherwise he remains out of it.
Solomon Tekal: "My guilt comes from the fact that I can feel it. Every life that I take, every life I end, I feel as a loss unlike any other. The weight of it, the gravity, is like the creation of a black hole. The loss, when it happens and is felt, of a life taken and given back to The Force -- the feeling of death-- is so cold that its sickening. Its settles in the heart, and in the soul. If I stop to let that guilt go, if I stop thinking about what I have taken that was not mine to take I become no better than those who rob, or steal, or cheat. The next life I would take would be the one that turns me into a killer. Because there would be no remorse. I know my choices have been made with the best intentions, I do not question that. I question the feeling of life lost and how it affects my attunement to The Force."
"As you asked before: is it right? And what makes it so? Who decides? I don't know any clear answer to that beyond that we must have faith. Faith and hope can be our greatest of weapons in a life time of darkness. There should be no privilege where a Jedi is concerned. We are not better than anyone else. We are not above laws, or reproach simply because we are Jedi. In fact it should be quite the opposite. We are extraordinary people who can do extraordinary things. But isn't everyone? Sensitives and non-sensitives alike? There is nothing that should put one above the other. Ever. For any reason. I, actually and quite honestly, envy those who lack the ability to reach The Force. They see things in an entirely different way, but it is no less of a beautiful way to see the galaxy around them."
Ripley Tanner: Seeing that Arabi had checked out of the conversation along with Marcus; who sounded like he was happily content in the land of the snoring. Eh. What else could one expect? It was Marcus after all. Her attention was completely focused on the Solomon. She listened to his words and nodded. There was a look of satisfaction on her face. His answers and words had finally been enough to placate the girl who questioned everything. “I am certain that they, those who are not Force Sensitive, could say the same for you.” She answered while lying back onto her cot. “After all, the grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?” She’d look over at Solomon with a half smirk.
Solomon Tekal: "The difference between me and most people, Ripley," He said with a small smile, "Is I've lived on both sides of the fence. I've laid on both lawns and stretched out under the same sun. Both ways of life have their merits and drawbacks. With or without The Force, life remains the same. -That- I would not change."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi looked at Ripley, her brow furrowed. Why was the girl smirking? She just shook her head minutely. At the end of the day Ripley was responsible for only Ripley's decisions and thoughts. No amount of discussion would change what she thought if she didn't have the ear to listen and the desire to be flexible. Her mind changed to the thought of living without the Force as Solomon had done months ago. He had not lived without it for long, but she could imagine any time without that connection, once you had it, would be heartbreaking.
Ripley Tanner: Considering that Ripley was not looking at Arabi and did not see the furrowed brows, the young woman didn’t say anything to her. “That is rarity.” She answered. “Most people spend their entire lives in one mold. One mindset. Very rare do they ever have the chance to break free from what they know; either by lack of courage or opportunity. For whatever reasons you decided to live on both sides of the fence, I commend you.” She nodded as her eyes closed.
Solomon Tekal: There was no need for that but Sol didn't pursue. To be commended for taking the route he had was just.... He frowned and settled back against the bed with his hands clasped and folded against his chest. He had done what he needed to in order to protect his own life. Why take the accolades for that? Why take the props for any action like that in defense of others? He contemplated this as his eyes turned skyward and he reached for The Force once more.
Ripley Tanner: Ripley wouldn’t say anything else. For her, the conversation was over and a nap long overdue. It would take mere moments before her breathing evened out in the gentle slumber; much like Marcus over on his own cot.
Marcus Thorne: "So, Solomon," Marcus says after some time has passed. ".. Did you really tell me earlier your mom wouldn't let you fight in the war? How old -were- you then?"
Solomon Tekal: He had been lying flat, dropping in and out of meditation. When Marcus called his name, though, Sol opened his eyes and pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could see the Duke, "My late teens," was the simple response, "Why?"
Marcus Thorne: "Your mom was still making your decisions then?" He asks with a chuckle, shaking his head. He himself was propped up on one elbow on his own cot.
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi looked up as someone finally decided to talk. She had been working on new orders and changes for patients as necessary, though there had not been much change today in their prognoses. Her eyes narrowed at Marcus. The man had already ribbed Solomon about this on their way back from the diseased ship.
Solomon Tekal: "She was a Jedi Master, Marcus," Sol pushed himself up further, taking in a half-lounged position, "And you ever see her mad?" Sol shook his head, "worse than Master Cato. There was no way I was going to question her authority back then."
Marcus Thorne: "Jedi Master or not, Sol. I just find it hard to believe that in the middle of a Galactic Civil War, your mother had you reading books instead of training and fighting with the rest of us. Like I said before, I was a padawan for Gala. That's how desperate things were." Marcus shakes his head.
Solomon Tekal: "Heh, I don't get the point of this, Marcus. What are you accusing my mother of? What are you accusing me of? -- My brother? We were supply runners. All that stuff that kept the refugees going? That was us, man. We didn’t need to be part of the fighting. We were holding down the fort."
Arabi Cordelle: Her brow rose as she looked between the two men. It had been a frustrating time in isolation and she had simply tried to remain uninvolved. She was curious about this history.
Marcus Thorne: "Well, I guess someone needed to do the little things," he replies with a shrug. "Not everyone could be actually fighting in the war I suppose."
Solomon Tekal: "Really, Marcus? How much time do you actually spend paying attention to what's going on around you, rather than living in your own little world?" He was leaning forward against his left knee. He had bent that leg and braced his left arm over it, "Seriously, how much time?"
Ripley Tanner: From her spot on the bed, Ripley peeked an eye open to the pair. After hours upon hours of napping, something worth interesting finally had her attention. She sat up slowly, stretching in a languished manner, while her grey eyes intently watched Solomon and Marcus.
Marcus Thorne: "Oh, you mean during the years I've been freeing oppressed peoples of the Galaxy? How many planets have you liberated, Solomon? Or has the Temple kept you on a tight leash?" Marcus pauses a moment and turns his head towards Arabi. "No offense."
Solomon Tekal: Solomon tilted his head to the side, "You honestly want me to start listing them, Marcus? Because I can. I can start with the whole kriffing galaxy. It was -my- program that brought down the locks during The Rift Crisis, I just recently saved The Hapes Consortium from a coup. That's how I busted my knee, you know. But what the hell does that matter? Marcus Thorne has been doing it for -years-. I'm wondering, though, do your heroics count those that you hurt on Ord Mantel with that Force Scream of yours? I just recently went back, wiped out an entire fleet of pirates -- Ord Mantel is still cleaning up your mess."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi blinked with wide eyes at the rather interesting comment on her people. The fact that Marcus had even acknowledged that he might have offended her was amusing. The comment he used was hysterical to her and she had to hold back a laugh. But it was easy to get back to sober when Solomon started listing.
Marcus Thorne: "Hey, Altar was a team effort, man. I don't know where you get your ego from, but it's really not cool." He frowns at Solomon, looking disappointed in him. Then anger flashes at the mention of Ord Mantell. "That wasn't me, that was the Entity. I had no more control there than I did here. Well.. Until I broke free, but you know what I mean. And Hapes? Well, there you go. Count that as a win in the Tekal column. I'm sure you did that all by yourself."
Solomon Tekal: He sat, watching Marcus for a moment, before laying back down. "Whatever, man," he waved his right hand in the air over him, dismissing Thorne's claims. "It really doesn’t matter anyway. I don't need to prove anything to you, Thorne. Neither does anyone in my family."
Marcus Thorne: "So much for Tekal family honor," he mutters. "Guess that died with Murra too."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi's hand went to her mouth in shock. "Marcus!" She shouted in disbelief and disappointment. She may not be keen on Solomon right now, but that was hitting below the belt.
Ripley Tanner: Ripley let out a low whistle. Her grey eyes watched Solomon carefully.
Solomon Tekal: Very slowly Solomon sat up, swung his feet over the edge of the bed and eyed Thorne, "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I couldn't hear it over the sound of your bantha fodder."
Marcus Thorne: Marcus was tired, frustrated, and cooped up against his will. It wasn't exactly the best mood builder and Solomon's words had gotten under his skin. So when the low blow landed and the Tekal began to react, Marcus began to apologize... as Sol spoke up again with that tone. "Look, it's nothing personal. I'm just saying...” he cast a glance from Arabi to Ripley and back to Sol.
Solomon Tekal: "Nothing personal," Solomon continued to watch Marcus closely, "The insult was direct, Marcus. It -was- personal. You barely know me, Marcus, and I'm pretty damn sure you don't know my family. I didn't appreciate it, man. It was a cold, cold cut, and it was uncalled for."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi moved to the edge of her bed. She was glad Marcus was backing down. They were trying to all survive being cooped up together. It had been going well until now.
Marcus Thorne: "Yeah? You think I like all the constant little digs either? None of your Jedi have ever given me respect. Why the hell is it so surprising I never stuck around?" His frown held strong, barely keeping from glaring out at Sol.
Solomon Tekal: "-That's- what this is about?! You're trying to get back at me?!" Solomon shook his head and pushed himself unsteadily up, "Look, Thorne, I have no control over what other Jedi do, so I can't apologize for them. I -can-, though, offer the peace branch for myself. I called you a friend once," he was hobbling toward where Marcus lounged, "I'd like to keep doing so, despite all my bad habits. Look, I've been pretty unfair to you since you've come back. I told you we were even after the piggy-back thing. I meant it, we're even. Just, don’t insult my family. They haven't done a damn thing to you."
Ripley Tanner: The image of watching an angry Solomon Tekal hobble while speaking of piggy-back rides that would forever be burned in her memory. It took everything she had not to crack up at the sight but instead promised herself a good laugh over the image much later... when she wasn't in the presence of semi-hostel company. So, for now, Ripley kept her mouth shut and simply watched the pair continue to.... was bickering the right word? Nagging. Her mind wandered and mulled over different synonym's that would match 'bickering'.
Solomon Tekal: "No, I'm not trying to get back at -you-. By the gods, Sol. It's not always about you." He rolls his eyes. "It's this place. I was supposed to come here, announce I defeated the damn Entity, and go on with my life. Instead, I bring the damn thing here and it tries to kill everyone. Not exactly the reception I was going on," he mutters the last sentence, shaking his head. "So I stay, try to clean up, do my part... blah blah, I even try to do a good deed and help with the damn rescue. But now my happy ass is stuck in this quarantine for another three flipping days."
Marcus Thorne: "Olive branch? Yeah, sure. That's all well and good. You're just swell. It's the rest of these clowns that get to me."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi wondered if clown was a term for something. She did not recognize the word but it sounded.... derogatory. She looked at the two men confused.
Solomon Tekal: He came to a stop not too far away from Thorne's bed and folded his arms over his chest, "You're preaching to the choir, there, Marcus. I get it. I understand. You feel like an outsider when you should be on the 'in'. It’s like they don't see you for who you are, or they can't appreciate who that person is. All they see is the mistakes," he smirked slightly, "Like it’s all bravado and forget everything else. Right?"
Ripley Tanner: Ripley listened and finally spoke. “It’s like a sickness.” She said to no one and yet everyone. “A sickening fear that grows within. Like some infectious disease that spreads from one organ to the next. A contamination that fills the blood. That feeling; its unstoppable. Incurable. That feeling of becoming obsolete. The feeling of being nothing more than a pity party. That all people see are the faults. That we are an obligation or a requirement to make someone else feel good about themselves. And it all started with doubt.” She was no longer looking at any of them. Instead those grey eyes were glanced down at her fingers that twisted and picked at the sheet in her grasp. “Doubt within yourself, within your talents and abilities. Doubt that it’s not good enough. Doubt that all we’ve done is fucked up an already fucked situation. We feed into this doubt by trying to do something with ourselves. To push ourselves to become greater in the hopes that someone notices. So that we can find someone that can look past our faults and failures. And when we don't? We feel more doubt. It becomes a vicious feeding cycle to the fear and insecurities. We feel it. We react. We pray someone notices something besides what we did wrong. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.” She released a heavy breath and finally glanced up at the three in the room. “Or so I’ve heard.”
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi's ears fell. Ripley could have been talking about her and every word hit home. She visibly lowered in her stature with every sentence. It hurt enough that she felt the strong desire to turn around and lay down, hiding her face from those present, especially Solomon, but only just kept herself seated.
Marcus Thorne: Marcus nods to Solomon, "Yeah man, That's...” but then Ripley began speaking. At first, he was ready to ignore the young girl... but then he listened and stared at her as she spoke. When she finishes, he can only gape in her direction, unable to process how that made him feel.
Solomon Tekal: Ripley had Solomon's attention. He had turned from Marcus to watch the young woman evenly. He kept his surprise to himself. Her usual randomness was not so entirely random this time around. It was actually quite a profound observation, and it brought a small smile to his face, "That, Ripley, is a truth that I think we are all struggling with." He was the one to break the silence. Both Arabi and Marcus looked stunned beyond words. The message had reached them, it had reached Solomon, and he knew what was at the root of it all. "It seems kind of funny, well at least to me, that we would all suddenly find ourselves in the same place at the same time like this." His eyes turned toward Arabi, then to Marcus, "It’s really kind of funny, actually."
Ripley Tanner: They no longer had her attention. Ripley felt no need to watch Arabi turn to her cot and take a seat; though she had heard the movement. The sound of springs creaking against the weight of the Cathar. She heard the blankets ruffle against the standard sterilization clothing they were provided. She didn’t watch Marcus Thorne gape at her but did take note of how that was the quietest she’d ever heard the older Gentleman. Secretively and with a small bit of self-satisfaction, Ripley gave herself a cool point for being the one to render him speechless. Solomon, she listened to the Tekal as he spoke the obvious and almost found an urge to look in his direction. Almost. Instead those grey eyes stared out at the clear glass window, watching people run around their normal busy lives.
Every so often a glance would be spared in their direction. Sometimes they were looks of curiosity. Most were sympathetic. And then few were of casual interest mixed with the disinterest of their lives. Ripley thought of the other patients in the medical center. How many were dying right now? How many were praying to their Fates, or the Force, or whatever they believe in hoping to gain another second? Another minute? How many were fighting for their lives while the small group sat conversing? It seemed so poetically bitter sweet. The innocent dies while our heroes sit, twiddling their thumbs behind a clear glass window.
“Yeah,” She finally agreed. “It does sound kind of funny; like a corny bad joke that you know is going to be bad but can’t help but tell anyway. A quack Doctor, a wannabe Hero, a Jedi Padawan, and a smartass kid all get stuck in a quarantined room….” She half scoffed, half laughed.
Marcus Thorne: "Hilarious," Marcus grumps after listening to Solomon, and then Ripley again. Wannabe hero. She lost him there, his previous point proven. Thorne settles back down on his cot, turning his attention away from the others.
Solomon Tekal: Solomon straightened at Marcus rolled over, shaking his head as he looked between the gathered, "No, Ripley. It’s not that kind of joke. The joke is that it’s not a "wannabe" hero, a Jedi "Padawan", a "quack" doctor, or a smartass "kid". The joke is that we can't see the truth that is sitting right before us," he waved his right hand dismissively and shook his head, "Look," he said, turning his attention to Ripley, "All that crap you did on Hapes to help dig us out of the fodder. No one asked you to do it. You were there. You got your hands dirty on your own. A -kid- wouldn't have done that. A -kid- would have wet themselves and gone off to hide in a corner. You can't tell me otherwise. I watched you in action. You may be a smartass, Ripley, but you aren't a kid. And Marcus -- despite your very large and sometimes hard to take ego -- you -are- a hero. You have done a great deal to help this galaxy. You don't need to prove it to anybody. You just need to know it for yourself. You start believing it instead of trying to prove it and there will be a difference," his shoulders fell as he turned, limping slightly to face where Arabi sat, "And Arabi," he took in a slow breath and released it slowly while watching the Cathar, "You are not a quack," a quick glance was cast toward Ripley, "You are overwhelmed and still struggling to find your place. You frustrated, and I cannot blame you. None of us should. You a wise woman. I have seen you handle the younglings and other Padawan in your daily life. You are an inspiration to them, a guiding hand. You are an influence that those young minds will remember for the rest of their lives. They will think of you, one day when things grow dark for them, and they will smile because they remember your spirit. You aren't a quack. You're just getting your footing."
Ripley Tanner: Ripley listened as they spoke or didn’t speak while her mind continued to cling the previous thought of the people dying in the Temple right at this very moment. That thought expanded to how many were dying in the planet. Then to the star complex. Finally the entire galaxy. Ripley tried to imagine the weight of so much death. Was it crushing or peaceful? Did it hurt or was it painless? How many fought for their lives and how many surrendered with the thought that it was their time?
“We’re such selfish creatures.” She spoke again. “It’s pathetic when you really think about it. All of us charge in to save the innocent with the reasoning that it’s the right thing to do. That we’re being the “good” guys by saving innocent lives. But the reality of it is… we’re selfish.” Ripley almost scoffed. “We save innocence because we can’t deal with the guilt of knowing we didn’t help. We charge in, save them, and get that feel good feeling. It doesn’t matter if anyone knows about it or not because that feeling still comes. That tiny voice in the back of your mind that says, ‘You did the right thing! Good job, kiddo!’
“We don’t save them because it’s the right thing to do. We save them because we can’t deal with the thought that we could have done something. At the root of it all, saving someone else is all about making yourself feel better. Pretty damn selfish, if you ask me. If we didn’t feel the guilt, if we were able to ignore crushing shame that we allowed someone to die, if we were able to look the other way…. would we still be the heroes?”
Arabi Cordelle: At her name, Arabi looked up into Solomon’s eyes. His words hit home for her. She teared up a bit, realizing he saw her in a different light than she had expected. And it seemed his opinion of her wasn't as low as she thought. It went a long way to healing the rift between them. She gave him a nod and a half smile. Arabi turned to Ripley. “There is a difference between motivation and side effect. A person can do something with a good motivation behind it and still have the side effect of something more selfish. It is our intention and our actions that matter not necessarily the side effect."
Marcus Thorne: Marcus can only nod his head to Solomon out of a mutual respect before Ripley speaks again, causing the White Knight to re-engage, shaking his head. "You can speak for yourself, girl. Don't presume to know the motivations of every person in the Galaxy based off of your own thoughts and feelings. In the war, there were millions of volunteers who fought bravely and died, knowing their names would never be remembered. They didn't fight for glory like some Mandalorian. They fought because it was the right thing to do. They fought, they risked everything, and most paid the ultimate sacrifice. I hold the names of as many as I can in my memory, and I try to honor them in my actions. That, my dear Ripley, is why -I- do this. I fight because they no longer can. My ego," he adds, glancing to Solomon, "is a defense mechanism to keep serious conversations like this at bay."
His frown holds, his attention back to the young woman. "I have two choices when I think about and talk about the battles I've endured. I can either crumble under the guilt of so many that couldn't make it, or I can concentrate on the victory, the end result, the masses that were saved and freed from our actions. I choose the latter... because who benefits from the former? What inspiration can I be if I can't be strong enough to rise above my circumstances?"
Solomon Tekal: Solomon turned and headed back towards his bed. He needed to sit, and he did so as the conversation got underway, "For some people," he said quietly when Marcus had finished, "It is about the glory. For some, it is about the recognition. Not for all. I, myself, pushed that line a few times in my life. But it all comes back around. Marcus is right. If we cannot rise above our circumstances, what kind of people are we?" He turned where he sat to see Ripley, "And it’s not even about inspiring others. It can’t be. It can’t be about just making that impression. It’s gotta be about being happy with who you are. To hells with what others may think about you, as a person. You live right, do your job, help where you can, and accept yourself and it all falls into place. You can’t make everyone happy, and you can’t save every life. You can’t let that linger, though. To do so will crush you. To think about those you could have helped but just weren’t fast enough, were too far away, or The Force just called back," he shook his head, "It will turn your soul black, and that guilt you talked about will drive you mad."
Ripley Tanner: Each answer was listened to and absorbed like a sponge in water. Each person’s viewpoints and rebuttals were carefully mulled and processed. Ripley finally looked at them.
“What is the root of our intentions?” She peacefully challenged to Arabi. “I’m not questioning the good the person did. I’m questioning the why. Why did they do it? What made them do it?”
Her eyes glanced to Marcus. “There are two sides of a war, this we all know. What tells us the side we fight for is the right one? Doesn’t the person you’re fighting believe the same thing? They’re doing what’s right and we’re the ones in the wrong?” Ripley thought about Hapes and the military coup she had been so ‘brave’ to fight in. Some had good intentions to fight against the crown. Some believed they were making a better home for their families. They joined with good intentions and yet still died. They would be remembered as the “bad guys” instead of the guy who tried to help his country and family.
“What about this,” she proposed to the White Knight. “you kill a person in battle to protect another. What if that person you protected went out and killed someone else; someone who was just as innocent as they were when you saved them? Does that still justify the death of the person you killed? On some cosmic level are you the one held responsible because you intervened and stopped their death?”
She looked to Solomon now. “It’s the why. Does the why justify the means? What tells us that we’re doing the right thing, what makes us the good guys over the bad ones? Why are we the heroes when our hands are dripping with so much blood?”
Another pause. “A man believes a government is impure. He sees something he doesn’t like being done within the system. He tells his beliefs and opinions to another person and that person agrees. They tell another, and then another, and another until the numbers grow into massive sizes. Those beliefs reach a catalyst and a civil war breaks out. The war turns into a genocide. Now, those people believe they are doing the right thing. They truly feel within the depths of their soul that this is right.” She sighed. “Step back from the picture and place yourself into their shoes. You’re fighting this war because you truly believe it’s the right thing to do. You’re stepping up to fight this war; to protect your family and save your country and someone comes in to stop you. Who is truly right? Which reason, which motivation, which intention outweighs the other?”
Arabi Cordelle: "I suppose it’s not always known. I don't always think before I join a fight to save other's lives. It’s not a clear decision with deep forethought and debate as to the deep down whys. All I know is that people are dying and they need help. I can't stand by and not do something. Saving lives is a part of me." She shook her head. "Hindsight is the only true ability for one to see his own Why's."
Solomon Tekal: "History will always paint the losers of any war as the bad guys. That’s just how it is, because the good guys never lose. But on a personal level you need to trust yourself to know. And simply because someone has a differing view does not make them entirely wrong. This is why Jedi are not encouraged to fight wars. It is why negotiation and mediation is stressed before fighting should take place. If peace can be reached through understanding then we must do all within our abilities to understand the common ground. There are instances, our recent battle on Hapes for example, where you will find leaders who do not respect the fine lines they are overstepping. What we were facing wasn’t an army looking to usurp the throne like some upstarts. What we were facing were men and women who were following orders from a Dark Jedi madman. It doesn't make their deaths any less impactful. I think about them every day, I think about Celeste, and Lydia, and Glory every single day, Ripley. I think about Vahn and Kirkoff, and I wonder if there could have been another way. The simple answer is maybe. I didn’t have to get my hands into it. I didn’t have to take the job I did. If I hadn't though, I might now be with Trinity. You might be dead. It’s all comes down to this: everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it, but we don't have to. We just need to have faith that The Force would not steer is wrong."
Ripley Tanner: “That’s your ‘why’, Arabi.” She answered. “You cannot stand by and not do something. You can’t live with yourself knowing that you could have helped. The guilt and shame would be too much.” Arabi’s answer perfectly tied into her previous point. The root of all selfless behaviors was selfishness. Idly, Ripley wondered if Arabi saw the argument she was making.
She was silent as Marcus continued to ponder the scenario she proposed to him. It was a difficult situation to think of and she appreciated him taking the time to really give it thought. Or at least, she hoped he was giving it thought. It was Marcus after all.
Ripley’s attention went back to Solomon. “At what point does the blood on our hands become no better than the ones we try to defeat?” She proposed. “At what point do we become no better than them? We take a life and say that it’s for the right reasons. They take a life and claim the same. Both believe they are doing the right thing but… who decides? What decides?”
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi shook her head. "ITs not about guilt or shame concerning my actions. It’s about the fact that people should not knowingly harm other people. I will protect those that cannot protect themselves, not because it makes me feel better, or to avoid guilt, but because it’s not right. It shouldn't be. It is a wrong in the world that should never occur. I can see where you are going, but it isn't the same. It’s a fine line between the two but they are not the same."
Marcus Thorne: Marcus didn't have the energy for this intense of a debate, and simply rolls over in his cot to zone it out and sleep.
Solomon Tekal: "And that's just it," Solomon nodded his head once toward Arabi, "I'm not attempting to justify taking a life. There are no instances in which taking a life is the right course of action. To be the bringer of death, it does not matter which side you are on, is a movement against life. Blood is blood, no matter whose hands it lands on. A wise man once told me that the ends cannot, and should not, justify the means. Killing, even in the name of peace, is not justifiable. It may not be avoidable, but it is certainly not justifiable. There is no way to decide which life is the right life to take. Morals are subjective and are prone to change depending on who you are speaking to," he paused, shifting his weight just slightly where he sat, "For every life taken amends must be made, this is what the Jedi believe. This is their point of view. Some take to meditation to contemplate what moved them to take that life. Others devote themselves to volunteer work, others teaching or charity. For every life taken, for every drop of blood, counter steps should be taken to help perpetuate life. Even the smallest of tasks to help can make the biggest difference. It’s a struggle for balance, one that every Jedi, or Vanguard, should know."
Ripley Tanner: “Where does that leave the ones who are not Jedi or Vanguards?” She questioned. “The scoundrels? The everyday man who happened to be at the right place at the wrong time? A man kills another man for whatever reason he believes was right. He’s not a Jedi. He does not meditate. He does not have the Force. He does not devote his life to volunteer work, charity, or teaching. He simply goes about his daily life. Does that rescind his reasoning? Does that make him the bad person because he didn't help perpetuate life?”
Ripley sighed and looked around the room. To Arabi. To the sleeping Marcus. To Solomon. “I think that sometimes people become haughty in their actions. I think sometimes, especially the heroes, forget to question matters such as this. It’s easy to forget. It’s easy to say you did the right thing as a coping mechanism. It’s easy because it can make you feel better and ease the guilt and shame you feel for taking another. It helps wash a little bit of the blood off your hands without feeling at fault.” Her petite shoulders shrugged.
Arabi Cordelle: "I don’t think you understand that we do feel guilt and that we do have to process through emotions that are not always the easy ones to handle." Arabi said. "The difference between the average person, just trying to live by his convictions and protecting his family and the Jedi is that we feel the same but we have training that enables us to work through our emotions and our reasoning. IT doesn't absolve us of guilt, but it gives us insight and time to process through our emotions and understanding. The average person may not have that privilege and certainly not the training. The taking of a life may haunt him forever, or he may just let it go because he has no other way to handle it and no choice but to get on with his life so that he can continue to care for others. Where the average man has only his own morals and ethics and his society or cultural morals and ethics to guide him, we have a third tier, that of our training. It doesn't make us better. It makes us privileged. So we use our privilege to help and serve. It’s what it means to be a Jedi."
Solomon Tekal: "No," Solomon had waited for Arabi to finish before speaking up, "Not being able to devote one's life to things like meditation and charity does not make a man 'bad'. A person like you, Ripley, who has lived their life without the training of a Jedi -- without knowing a deeper connection to The Force -- can still do good. You don't need to be Vanguard, or Jedi. You simply need to strive to be good, to pass good along. If you carry guilt with you take the time to understand why. If you hurt, or if you have hurt others, take the opportunity to understand how things can be made better. There is no special training for that. You don't need The Force to live a full life, or a life full of understanding and the desire to be more. It’s not the charity work, or meditation, or teaching that bring atonement. It’s the act of sacrifice. The normal man may have a family he is protecting. His life is devoted, his time sacrificed to care for those he loves. His atonement is made through seeing to their wellbeing. Others may make sacrifices by taking care of themselves and finding ways to cope with their burdens. Guilt is something that never goes away. I don't care who you are, or how you've lived. Once you take a life that sticks with you, it changes you. It can breed doubt that you didn't do enough to end things differently. It breeds the fear that it may happen again. Not many average men and women need to face the choice to take someone else's life. Not many average people will know the struggle to crawl out from that kind of burden. I am sorry that you had to make that choice, Ripley. I am sorry that you have that blood on your hands. "
Ripley Tanner: Arabi had opened a window for a different topic but Solomon’s words had firmly shut it. “Don’t be.” She said as Solomon spoke of the blood that was on her own hands. “I made peace with my decision the moment I decided to take another’s life. If I cannot be okay with my decisions the moment I make them, then it is not the right decision for me to make. I accepted my choices. I accepted my reasoning’s. I accept the blood that is on my hands and live with a clear conscious because of it. But for you. For Marcus. For the others,” She did not know Arabi well enough to speak for her. She didn’t care about Marcus enough to step on his pride in speaking for him. “I can see the guilt. I see the weight and I wanted to question it.”
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi nodded. She had not had a deep conversation like this outside her classrooms so it had been an interesting exercise. She didn't know what to say beyond what had been said however. Solomon had really finished their points nicely. Her eyes went to Marcus, wondering about what he was thinking, but he was silent. Perhaps he was lost in his own thoughts. She sat back against the wall and turned her gaze to look out the clear wall. Soon enough they would be back in the world they knew and loved, able to touch and be touched, able to really get back to work. For now though, it was time for introspection and work only able to be done through her Datapad.
Marcus Thorne: A cough comes from Marcus' bunk, but otherwise he remains out of it.
Solomon Tekal: "My guilt comes from the fact that I can feel it. Every life that I take, every life I end, I feel as a loss unlike any other. The weight of it, the gravity, is like the creation of a black hole. The loss, when it happens and is felt, of a life taken and given back to The Force -- the feeling of death-- is so cold that its sickening. Its settles in the heart, and in the soul. If I stop to let that guilt go, if I stop thinking about what I have taken that was not mine to take I become no better than those who rob, or steal, or cheat. The next life I would take would be the one that turns me into a killer. Because there would be no remorse. I know my choices have been made with the best intentions, I do not question that. I question the feeling of life lost and how it affects my attunement to The Force."
"As you asked before: is it right? And what makes it so? Who decides? I don't know any clear answer to that beyond that we must have faith. Faith and hope can be our greatest of weapons in a life time of darkness. There should be no privilege where a Jedi is concerned. We are not better than anyone else. We are not above laws, or reproach simply because we are Jedi. In fact it should be quite the opposite. We are extraordinary people who can do extraordinary things. But isn't everyone? Sensitives and non-sensitives alike? There is nothing that should put one above the other. Ever. For any reason. I, actually and quite honestly, envy those who lack the ability to reach The Force. They see things in an entirely different way, but it is no less of a beautiful way to see the galaxy around them."
Ripley Tanner: Seeing that Arabi had checked out of the conversation along with Marcus; who sounded like he was happily content in the land of the snoring. Eh. What else could one expect? It was Marcus after all. Her attention was completely focused on the Solomon. She listened to his words and nodded. There was a look of satisfaction on her face. His answers and words had finally been enough to placate the girl who questioned everything. “I am certain that they, those who are not Force Sensitive, could say the same for you.” She answered while lying back onto her cot. “After all, the grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?” She’d look over at Solomon with a half smirk.
Solomon Tekal: "The difference between me and most people, Ripley," He said with a small smile, "Is I've lived on both sides of the fence. I've laid on both lawns and stretched out under the same sun. Both ways of life have their merits and drawbacks. With or without The Force, life remains the same. -That- I would not change."
Arabi Cordelle: Arabi looked at Ripley, her brow furrowed. Why was the girl smirking? She just shook her head minutely. At the end of the day Ripley was responsible for only Ripley's decisions and thoughts. No amount of discussion would change what she thought if she didn't have the ear to listen and the desire to be flexible. Her mind changed to the thought of living without the Force as Solomon had done months ago. He had not lived without it for long, but she could imagine any time without that connection, once you had it, would be heartbreaking.
Ripley Tanner: Considering that Ripley was not looking at Arabi and did not see the furrowed brows, the young woman didn’t say anything to her. “That is rarity.” She answered. “Most people spend their entire lives in one mold. One mindset. Very rare do they ever have the chance to break free from what they know; either by lack of courage or opportunity. For whatever reasons you decided to live on both sides of the fence, I commend you.” She nodded as her eyes closed.
Solomon Tekal: There was no need for that but Sol didn't pursue. To be commended for taking the route he had was just.... He frowned and settled back against the bed with his hands clasped and folded against his chest. He had done what he needed to in order to protect his own life. Why take the accolades for that? Why take the props for any action like that in defense of others? He contemplated this as his eyes turned skyward and he reached for The Force once more.
Ripley Tanner: Ripley wouldn’t say anything else. For her, the conversation was over and a nap long overdue. It would take mere moments before her breathing evened out in the gentle slumber; much like Marcus over on his own cot.